I’m aware of leaders in the area of advocacy and their good intentions, but here’s my take on childhood bullying and aggression as an expert in human development and child psychology: There is insufficient research to support Restorative Justice for kids in schools. When there isn’t sufficient evidence, call it what it is—an experiment. Experimenting on kids is a bad idea, plain and simple. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg!
Challenging Assumptions
We must challenge the assumption that customs or rituals, such as restorative practices, are inherently right just because they are practiced. Many norms can be damaging. Just because something has been done for years doesn’t make it psychologically beneficial.
School systems need community practices, but these should align with our best understanding of child development. It’s important to remember that what feels good to adults or works for adults in schools isn’t necessarily beneficial for children. Here are some things to consider when deciding if you’d like to use Restorative Justice in your school:
Time: People can make mistakes and move forward. However, a time-limited ritual of “repair” may or may not be beneficial to all involved and could be harmful if it truncates opportunities for the necessary processing of emotions and learning from the experience (which could take longer than the time allotted in a school for this ritual to be completed).
True Informed consent: This is impossible in this context, given the age of the “victim.” To me, that means pause.
Emotional Suppression: When adults push some ritualistic “repair” after transgressions, they risk brushing kids’ emotional needs under the rug fueling illness.
Letting Go of Natural Defenses: Rejecting kids’ natural anger and related protective instincts, which aren’t all bad, may lead to further victimization (which is a risk!)
You cannot claim the victimized child is at the center when the primary focus is restoring the relationship between the victimized and the child who perpetrated violence. You cannot say the victimized child is at the center when the outcomes are focused on the offenders (I.e., opportunity to restore the relationship). Moreover, as noted above, true informed consent is impossible for these children in such circumstances due to their age and development, as well as the added vulnerability placed on them with victimization. As a psychologist, my biggest concern for a child who’s been victimized is the risk of being re-victimized and the normalization of the violence they endured. And I am not alone. As a general rule, the American Psychological Association would not recommend having a child victim in the same space as someone who hurt or attacked them.
The Injured Child
Did you know that victims of bullying, aggression, and maltreatment are at increased risk for future abuse and maltreatment? Did you know that being a victim of aggression is associated with a higher risk for suicide? Therefore, one of the system's goals should be to move the victim into a space where future injury is unlikely, and nurturance and healing are best supported. This may include giving them a strong peer mentor, placing them in a class with peers who can work cooperatively on academic projects with shared higher-order goals to foster bonds, and surrounding them with nurturing adults who engage with active listening and warm skills. Given them a proper subgroup (Van Ryzin & Roseth, 2019). If the system cares at all about the injured child, the primary worry should be that they now, unfortunately, have an experience during their formative years of being mistreated (and what is learned is never unlearned).
Adults should now work to surround the injured child with people will naturally treat them with dignity—people with strong relationship skills. Teach them through actions and support over time that they are not deserving of maltreatment. Teach, through your actions, not just words, that they are valuable human beings, worthy of dignity, support, physical safety, encouragement, and celebration. Our actions speak far louder than our words.
If the child who was assaulted were my patient, for their overall wellness and the restoration of their future relationships, I would want them to feel some healthy anger. Rushing forgiveness before they’ve even processed the full weight of the transgression (which could take years!) is the last thing I would recommend for a young person who is still developing their sense of boundaries.
The Child Behaving Aggressively
With regards to the child behaving aggressively, their needs are significant! The psychological science can guide policies to address those needs. Aggressive behavior, poor conduct, and defiance in youth predict antisocial personality disorder, imprisonment, anxiety, depression, and suicidality. This is a high-stakes situation. It’s not something to sweep under the rug or take lightly—it represents a systemic failure to educate and properly socialize children. Thinking the issue can be repaired by the child alone is short-sighted.
Aggression is like a ball rolling downhill—the more it's practiced, the more ingrained it becomes. When a minor exploits, assaults, or harms another, they risk repeating such behavior. Kids who behave aggressively risk becoming habitual aggressors instead of learning to manage stress without acting out.
When treating kids with histories of aggression, I am less worried about their shame and self-esteem and more concerned about them repeating their behaviors. Because those behaviors take them nowhere good. Some parents and teachers worry about the child’s current self-esteem, so much that they want to brush the transgression under the rug in a “protective” maneuver. Many want to protect these children from consequences. But consequences and feelings about those consequences may support critical, life saving learning! And what adults often fail to understand is that if the child’s behavior and adaptation improve, so will their sense of self-worth over time (assume this is a long time!).
If a student who has behaved aggressively has a history of trauma (don’t assume they do), they might develop chronic stress and a phobic reaction to their emotions. Their poor conduct could become a habitual escape from internal turmoil. They need the courage to face their fear and anger instead of reacting to it. This work requires someone with the highest credentials and a deep understanding of emotions as natural, adaptive, unconscious, contagious, automatic, interpersonal, multi-systemic phenomena.
If a student with aggressive conduct has undiagnosed learning disabilities and feels marginalized and misunderstood, they may act out. For them, the first step is meeting their learning needs, especially literacy.
In environments with a lack of boundaries (e.g., school, home), they may develop a low tolerance for stress and a habit of defiant, reactive, and aggressive behavior. Addressing aggressive tendencies requires a systemic approach.
If I were the consulting or treating Psychologist of a child with externalizing tendencies, I would do the following:
I would address the causes of aggressive behavior and promote healthy functioning (sleep, exercise, food, warm adult relationships, high expectations for conduct, boundaries, learning needs).
I would eliminate future opportunities for aggressive behavior. This would involve scaffolding the child toward proper conduct, allowing some embarrassment from past mistakes (shamelessness is just as problematic as shame), and providing strong role models. It would also include training their teachers and parents.
Repair doesn’t need to include the victim. It may be self-repair. And it may include fixing the wall damaged and helping out around the school. Repair may be one tiny step in a larger system of re-socialization. And the child doesn’t need to think that there is resolution. That could be a myth. Some things break and cannot be restored to their original form.
Until the young person who was aggressive had new interpersonal boundaries and emotional capacities, I would not place them with other vulnerable kids, unsupervised. It is my view that they should be guided by strong, highly capable role models (adults and peers) in highly structured situations that prevent them from harming those who are vulnerable to re-victimization. This benefits everyone.
I have found a way to support schools to mitigate these problems in an evidence based way, grounded in common sense. The plan does not replace any consequences or follow through that has been established by the school. But I’ve seen it used in a way to support everyone.
Step 1: Isolate the Primary Aggressors
Students displaying aggressive behaviors (physical or relational), such as hitting, gossiping, or isolating peers, do not maintain leadership over the peer group they have negatively influenced.
Staff assigns students exhibiting the most unkind behavior with adults and/or mentors during class, lunch, and recess. This separation ensures they do not reinforce each other’s behavior. These students require daily direction, oversight, and modeling of prosocial behavior. This approach prevents the perpetuation of their maladaptive behavior, especially useful during unstructured hours.
Key Focus Areas:
- Structure
- Oversight
- Modeling prosocial behavior
- Practicing prosocial behavior
- Reinforcement for prosocial behavior
Step 2: Introduce Prosocial Influence to Bystanders
Integrate a strong prosocial teen mentor into the remaining group for at least two weeks. Assign the group a task to work, solving a complex problem. This activity should be cerebral and unrelated to social dynamics or relational aggression.
Step 3: Foster Positive Peer Interactions for Targeted Students
Pair the most isolated young teens with strong and caring peers of the same age to engage in a shared task (anytime). Provide clear instructions for the task, without discussing the reasons behind it. The goal could be exciting and meaningful, something that they may enjoy - something others may admire and celebrate once completed.
Caution: Avoid lectures or rehashing stories with those engaging antisocial conduct. The focus is instead on restructuring the group dynamics
with steps
1-3.
To learn more about how to address bullying, reach out through this website.
Further Reading:
Goemans, A., Viding, E., & McCrory, E. (2023). Child Maltreatment, Peer Victimization, and Mental Health: Neurocognitive Perspectives on the Cycle of Victimization. Trauma, Violence & Abuse, 24(2), 530-548.
Schacter, H. L. (2021). Effects of Peer Victimization on Child and Adolescent Physical Health. Pediatrics, 147(1), e2020003434.
Strathearn, L., Giannotti, M., Mills, R., Kisely, S., Najman, J., & Abajobir, A. (2020). Long-term Cognitive, Psychological, and Health Outcomes Associated With Child Abuse and Neglect. Pediatrics, 146(4), e20200438.
Taylor, T. O., & Bailey, T.-K. M. (2022). The Restorative Justice Attitudes Scale: Development and initial psychometric evaluation. The Counseling Psychologist, 50(1), 6–39.
Van Ryzin, M. J., & Roseth, C. J. (2019). Effects of cooperative learning on peer relations, empathy, and bullying in middle school. Aggressive behavior, 45(6), 643–651. https://doi.org/10.1002/ab.21858